Emotional Intelligence: How to Understand and Navigate Your Inner World
What happens on the inside
Interoception is the fancy psychological term used to describe our inner experience. The sensations, emotions, and body cues we receive inside of us. They tell us when to use the bathroom, when to eat, when to shower, and when we’re sad and need a hug. These feelings and sensations are basically an indicator of what’s going on inside of us. The needs we have, and the levels to which those needs are met.
For each indicator, we have a spectrum of how much the need is met. Not enough—just right—too much.
When we’re in “not enough,” we are living in desperation and scarcity. When we are in the “too much,” things can feel overwhelming. The ideal is to be in the “just right” section of satiation and enoughness.
↑ ↑ ↑
too little just right too much
Feelings are clues
Learning that feelings are clues was an ah-ha moment for me. I was in my 20’s studying for my Masters in Clinical Psychology.
Knowing that feelings are clues has revolutionized how I relate to and understand myself. I was conditioned to suppress feelings. To have the right behavior, the right image. Be normal, be exceptional, and be successful. This was the recipe I was taught implicitly. Explicitly, I was taught that feelings, thoughts, and motivations need to be policed—in addition to behavior—in order to be acceptable to God.
What a relief to learn that feelings are not dangerous or bad! On the contrary, they are here to help me! To help me understand and navigate my life.
What messages have you been given implicitly and explicitly about thoughts, feelings, wants, and desires? How have you been conditioned around these very basic and necessary parts of being human?
How does it impact you to know that feelings are clues? You don’t have to believe them, obey them, or be overwhelmed by them. You don’t have to stuff them away or change them. You don’t have to judge yourself for them. They are just there to give you information about how you are experiencing something.
Our way through
In addition to information, emotions are also our way through a situation. If we don’t feel, we get stuck in survival modes of living (fight, flight, freeze, appease, or collapse). Feeling is our body’s way of releasing, expressing, and moving through a situation. For example, crying releases oxytocin, which creates comfort and connection. Anger helps protect and defend. Jealousy helps you clarify what you want. Satisfaction helps you rest and feel satiated.
Our culture often shames and punishes expression of emotion. So, it’s not safe to express it, and it’s not possible to hold it in without going into survival mode. That’s a conundrum. Even if we manage to “hold in” or “stuff away,” the emotion will leak out somehow. Anything that is not resolved will continue to live inside of you, and impact you and those around you.
We have to find ways to feel, express, and process in order to move through. It may only feel safe enough in a therapist’s office or with yourself and your journal, but it needs you to witness it in order to release it. In order to move out of survival and stuck mode. Once you start doing this, your feelings can become like friends and guides, not huge tidal waves you are afraid to face. They become your guide and your ship over rough seas, not the rough sea itself.
What have your experiences with your emotions been like? What would you like them to feel like to you?
I have learned that mine are like a life raft, and so many other things…
Life Raft Emotions
Emotions—
They carry me through
the hardest times
as if they were
a sherpa,
a piggy-backing parent,
a hammock,
a steamboat,
a life raft,
a trampoline,
a zip line…
they see me through.
They guide me through
the murkiest times
as if they were
a flashlight,
twinkle lights,
a beacon,
a headlamp,
a candle
a full moon’s glow…
they light a path forward.
They speak to me through
the most confusing times
as if they were
a wise seer,
a guru’s apprentice,
a hope-enfuser,
a quote-creator,
a safe haven,
a loyal friend…
they communicate clarity.
Hi! If you’re new here, I am Catherine and I’m so glad you’re here. I’m a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, Self-Trust Coach, Podcast Host, a mom of two, and a writer. My blog is where I share everything about Self-Trust, Neurodivergence and IFS. This is a place for play, relief, rest, repair, and renewal.
My signature group program "Befriend Yourself: An IFS Sactuary" begins this fall, I would love for you to join us. Meanwhile, explore my Substack writing, books, podcast, and learn more about me.
